Perpetuatin' the Cycle

I thought I had signed up for American Authors since 1875. Apparently, the English Department was serious about the proposed budget cuts because it didn't have enough money to properly label its own classes. Someone in marketing was forced to omit the word African (Not this African, but this African) from the class title, and someone with a sense of humor just let all of us white folk sign up for it.

I should have used my keen sense of self-righteousness to avoid the trap I fell into...

1. My professor's name is Lamar Garnes. His teaching assistant is a basketball.

2. The required reading for the course:

I. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn 

      II. The Autobiography of an Ex-Colored Man 

    III. A Raisin in the Sun

     IV. Ebony (Issue 239-- features short fiction by Young Buck)

What the fuck is Deathly Hallow, niggah???

3. We have to read in front of the class. Bradley Goldstein, who rocks K-Swiss's and wears a turtleneck on Wednesdays, was not prepared to present a critical analysis on Tyler Perry's House of Payne.

I don't blame Lamar. I am sitting in his class right now. I just wish that his style of teaching was reaching its targeted audience. But Lawd knows those who could really benefit from this class are not waking up fo' no 9:00 AM class. You must be crazzzzzeeee.

Is There Still a Debate?

And now for a non biased report on last night's Presidential debate, held in the Ford theatre at the University of Mississippi.

NOTES OF INTEREST:
1. McCain has visited the Middle East and has seen the terrain so he knows everything about foreign policy. HE WENT THERE. Obama, that Treason-laced fuck, hasn't. So Obama couldn't possibly be qualified to handle foreign affairs.
2. McCain does not want to dishonor the troops by losing. We will win and come home with honor. McCain served in Vietnam, a "one legged man in an ass kicking contest" of a war in which we were spanked like a cheap hooker as we were pushed out the door. He was part of a losing cause. So it should not surprise anyone how he feels about the word "withdrawl." You don't tell a kid who scores a 980 on his SAT's that he is stupid. John McCain is a maverick. A MAVERICK. He does not lose. GO TEAM GO.
3. McCain believes America is safer now than we were on 9/11. Do you know what happened on 9/11? Where were you on 9/11? Do you love America? Then you love John McCain. He was in the United States of America on 9/11. He cried when people died on 9/11. You don't want another 9/11, do you? Who needs respect abroad? Fuck you: Iran, Pakistan, Russia. Fuck you.

Now for that Negro-Nazi, anti-American, idiotic uppity of a celebrity senator Barack HUSSEIN Obama. HUSSEIN. It rhymes with terrorist for Christ's sake. Did you hear him speak? How arrogant of him to think that AMERICA needs to maybe step up and be a leader. He wants to sit down with foreign leaders. He doesn't believe in the cold shoulder approach that allowed North Korea to quadruple its nuclear weapons capabilities. Did you see 9/11, Mr. Hussein? You don't have experience. You snark at McCain when he hands out verbal hand jobs to veterans, and don't you dare for a second think we were fooled by your "sincerity" in walking across the stage to shake hands with McCain and Misses Money Bags. You don't even wear lapel pins.
POINTS OF INTEREST:
1. Obama wants to help the middle class. We get it. You are the people's champ. 95% of the middles class. Why not the whole 100%? What are you hiding? You don't believe in the trickle down philosophy. McCain was a mayor during the Great Depression. Did you also forget that he is a veteran?
2. Obama does not want to win the war. He doesn't want families to suffer through the gut wrenching agony of having loved ones fight a videogame of a war. This isn't Halo, Obama. You cannot just forfeit. And this talk of Afghanistan: save it. Osama who? Obama bin Laden is more appropriate. You threaten Pakistan when they refuse to step up with the terrorist clean up effort but somehow still manage to come off as a hippie tree hugger. You cannot have it both ways. You are not a veteran. You have not been a POW. You dream of a world where winning is not as important self-preservation. Talk about the audacity of hope.

To be continued...

Summer Movie Wrap-Up

Favorite Actor of the summer: Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder
An easy answer. Some may ask about James Franco's turn as a drug dealer. So what? The movie wasn't that good (more on that later) and he was actually out-acted by Danny McBride. RDJ made Iron Man worth seeing (along with Paltrow being almost too fucking hot). Yeah, the ending sucked and it was a bit overrated by fanboys but so what, he was great. Tropic Thunder, his second outing, put him over the top. He was hilarious in blackface. And the fake Satan's Alley trailer with Tobey Maguire killed me. See, even in real life Spiderman beats Hobgoblin.
Consolation: John C. Reilly in Step Brothers

Favorite Actress of the summer: none
I didn't see a movie about doing the laundry so I guess we'll have to skip this category.
Consolation: Gwyneth Paltrow in Iron Man

Best Performance: Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight
Don't confuse this with best actor. There is a difference. Hands down. He is the reason I watched the Dark Knight like four times. I am not some crazy fan or think his was the greatest performance ever by anyone. I just think he brought a real originality to the character, and fewer times in my life have I been upset that a character won't return for the sequel. Oscar worthy, maybe. Lethal Infection summer wrap up worthy, mos def.
Consolation: Danny McBride as Red in Pineapple Express

Funniest Movie of the Summer: Step Brothers
Yeah, it sorta fell apart at the end but I laughed solidly for the first hour. It is a cop out to say that you hate the man-child role that Will Ferrell seems to always play. Get over it. Go watch Brideshead Revisited or The Wackness. That is the beauty. If you don't like it than don't see. I saw it and was pleasantly surprised. I pegged this film to be a real disappointment.
Consolation: Tropic Thunder

A Real Disappointment: Pineapple Express
I laughed, but it kind of felt like high school. When it was finally time to leave, I was wondering where all the awesomeness promised beforehand was. I was way more impressed with the violence/action. All of the supporting characters were funnier to me.
Consolation: Pending

Overall: This was a great summer for movie lovers. We laughed, we cried, we sat through Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of what the fuck ever that was. Wall-E pulled our heart strings. All thirteen hours of The Dark Knight pulled no punches. The Strangers was a decent horror flick considering there was no horror. And best of all Disaster Movie comes out in a week!!!! Sign me up.

More Than a Hero

Well, folks, like a blow job on prom night it is all over way too soon. I've waited over a year for The Dark Knight and now it's all over. Sure, I'm destined to enjoy it a few hundred more times before I die, but nothing can compare seeing it for the first time. I read the sites, checked out the leaked footage and photos, did everything I possibly could to ruin the film. Even with all the plot points and spoilers I knew, The Dark Knight still shined. I loved this movie. Everyone will want to talk about Heath Ledger. Damnit, I want to, too. He was fucking awesome. The best villain I have ever seen, and I've seen Live Free or Die Hard. He was absolutely perfect. I am grateful that he lived long enough to complete this role. As a viewer, you just love watching the man on camera. I wanted him to be in every scene. On that note, Eckhart as Harvery Dent was brilliant. He played both sides of the pun-intended coin so well. I'm just glad that the Nolans had enough film smarts to make Two Face a crucial character and not a kill-off like Venom in Spider-Fuck 3 or any bad guy in a Brett Ratner assmockery. I cannot even call what that man makes films. The characters are so crucially woven in to the larger-than-one-man story that every decision is a domino effect, for better or worse. It's what we do that defines us. With The Dark Knight, the Nolans have brought to the table their visionary choice: to turn art into life.

The Not So Low End Theory

I think I need a change of pace. The highlight of my day should not be adding album artwork to my iTunes collection. On my day off I have priority mailed a letter, watched Grandma's Boy twice, and written on a forum dedicated to Nike Skateboarding.

Where the fuck is the action?

I'm going to get high in the backyard, by myself, in my pajamas and watch Batman: the animated series. Fuck my life.

The Dawn in Coming

So I guess the Dark Knight comes out pretty soon. I haven't really heard too much about it up to this point. It kinda feels like dead weight. Straight to DVD kinda of dead. We'll see because I have been wrong before about these summer busts.
Here is what I am least looking forward to dealing with after The Dark Knight premieres:
1. People who feel heath ledger deserves an Oscar. His performance may be the best thing since I can't believe it's not butter garlic flavor, but it will assuredly be overhyped because (and we can be honest) he is dead. If he was set to to headline the cast of Brokeback Mountain 2: The Search for Curly's Golden Shower in theaters this fall than it would just be a good performance from that crazy guy who dated Julia Stiles in 10 Things I Hate About You.
2. People who say the movie is overrated because god forbid they just admit that it was as good as everyone said it was. They'll say it was too long or self-serving. They will read rottentomatoes and highlight the more grammatically intimidating sentences of the few rotten reviews the movie will receive from critics who cannot admit that the movie was good. It is a vicious cycle.
3. People who will overrate this movie. It cannot be just a great movie. It has to be a masterpiece. Iconic. A triumph of cinema. Only because Peter Travers said so.

No one wants this movie more than me. I have waited years for this. Batman. The Joker. Amazing cast. Amazing director. Amazing writers. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. So what happens if it is short of?

I hold my breath for Quantum of Solace.

Further Down the Road

Someone was paying attention when No Country for Josh Brolin won best picture. Apparently, adapting a Cormac McCarthy novel equals cinematic success. Well, at least critically. THE ROAD, old Cormac's postapocalyptic journey is set to hit theaters around Thanksgiving with Viggo Mortensen leading an amazing cast (Guy Pearce, Charlize Theron, Robbie Duvall). This movie is guaranteed an Oscar nomination somewhere. The only thing I worry about is everything else. I have never heard of the director or the screenwriter. So the good news is I can't blame Brett Ratner for fucking another movie up. I hope the film takes advantage of the engulfing silence of the novel. The interaction between the father and son is all about exactly that: their actions. If there is a narrator I will never forgive Joe Penhall. Unless said narrator is Morgan Freeman. I have a bad feeling that THE ROAD may get the I AM LEGEND treatment. Screenwriters just don't know how to handle the apocalypse anymore. At least Deep Impact knew it sucked so much that at the last minute the writer asked Morgan Freeman if he would be the President.